Quite simply put, I believe that the Fabulous Commonwealth of VA has, yet another humorous case that will leave you astonished at our "justice system". In order for you to understand, I feel I must give you some background on some of the specifics. I have a "No Contact" protective order against my former husband and we share a child. Visitation of my son must be coordinated through a third party, so the court appointed HIS mother. We have JOINT LEGAL CUSTODY where the judge ordered that I have my son on the 1st, 2nd, and 4th weekends but urged us to share his time as much as possible for his benefit. My last full weekend with my son was September 2-5. From then on, they refused my visitation every week, instead insisting upon "supervised" visits at a McDonald's restaurant at their convenience. The police said that they are unable to enforce the order because the Judge did not write specific times for pick up and drop off, therefore, I filed motions to return to court and just accepted (despite the immense heartache) that there was no more I could do. After 3 months of torture, and being denied time on the holidays, and much research with lawyers, police officers, etc., I decided that I would wait until Christmas Eve, which fell on a Saturday, and have the police intervene at that time to enforce the order, once my son was already WITH me. A good friend of mine was helping my mother with some painting and redecorating and, having been familiar with this family for several years, he offered to assist me in keeping the amount of drama that my son was subjected to at a minimum. Once they arrived at my mother's home, I ran to the car and hurried my son inside. My friend stepped out from beside the house and asked my former mother in law to leave the property, as she had no legal right to be there. This sixty something year old woman then proceeds to violently beat on my mother's storm door, causing significant damage, and all the while yelling my son's name and saying things like, "Your mother is trying to steal you!" and "They can't keep you here! Just run to granny!" in between arguing with my friend. She screamed, cursed, broke my mom's storm door, and hit the gentleman several times in the face in her rage. We had, of course, called the police immediately upon her arrival, but it took some time for them to arrive. My friend stood in front of the door on the porch the entire time, not raising his voice to her with his hands in his pockets. The police arrived and took the report, but said that in order for charges to be filed, my mother and my friend would have to go to the Magistrate to take out criminal charges for destruction of property and assault. They also informed her that she had no right to change the court order for visitation and let her know that she could be incarcerated for doing so. I did keep my son that night, and, as I promised the police officer, I returned him the following day, Christmas Day, at noon when they arrived to pick him up. I was elated to have had the one night with him after so long without any real quality time with him, but, I was also so devastated when it came to an end. The last thing that he said to me was "Bye, mama! I love you! See you on the 27th!" Because he had been told that he would be back that day for another visit. Needless to say, I have not seen him since. What I HAVE seen is that this insane woman waited until January 3 to file for a protective order against my friend, giving the court my mom's address as his (which is falsifying a court document since he does not live with me). He did file assault charges against her and there was an outstanding warrant listed for her when we appeared in court Jan 12 for this ridiculous protective order. The judge did not seem to understand why she thought she NEEDED a protective order at all, and actually, found the situation quite comical. The entire courtroom was laughing because of his obvious sarcasm to her. My friend was never even asked to speak and the case was dismissed. He took a printout to the Sheriff in the lobby showing her outstanding warrant and the second that she saw him, she started screaming, "I'm filing another one!! I'm filing another one!!". He did not speak to her, instead, he showed the sheriff the document regarding her outstanding warrant and the sheriff, then, detained her for booking. Oddly enough, at 2:00 that SAME afternoon, even AFTER having been arrested for assault and the order DROPPED, she filed ANOTHER order, this time, changing her HUSBAND's name as being included, to her SON's (my Ex) and leaving MY son on this order, as she had originally done. Somehow, DESPITE the fact that a police report clearly notes that SHE assaulted HIM and he did NOTHING to her, and the fact that the FIRST order had been dropped that morning in COURT, AND, the fact that she was THEN ARRESTED for ASSAULT, she was issued, ANOTHER preliminary protective order!! I know that when I went to the courts attempting to get a protective order against my VERY abusive ex who threatened me and my children on multiple occasions, AND had assaulted me multiple times, it was like PULLING TEETH to get them to issue the order, ESPECIALLY with a child on it. Yet, this lady who is NOT the child's mother, has NO custody whatsoever of the child, does not live with the child, and who is accused of Assault is able to get TWO back to back??? With my son on them?? Granted, they ARE only preliminary, and I am quite sure that once it goes back to court that same judge (who ALSO explained to her that she had no right to ignore the visitation order) will laugh it back out of the courtroom again....But, the POINT is...there are women out there who actually NEED an order of protection, who have shown up beaten and bruised and begging for help and were denied ANY type of protective order AT ALL, and here is this woman, whose obvious intention is just to use that as one more way to try to use the court system to keep my son away from his mother and even with assault charges AGAINST her, documented in a POLICE REPORT, being granted orders left and right for NO apparent reason whatsoever, and putting false address information on the subpoena, just so that she can take it to court when we go in February over her breaking the visitation order constantly and try to convince ANOTHER judge that she had "good reason" to keep him from me another month! Ridiculous enough??? Talk about your abuse of process....you'd think they'd get tired of her wasting the court's time with her nonsense. Who knows, we have more court dates ahead, including the one on Jan 25 for this newest "protective order". Hopefully, where the clerks are falling short, the Judge will catch on and prosecute her for her actions, not allowing her to continue to abuse the court system to play the wicked games she wants to play to try to stay in control of her son, and mine. We shall see....
Thankfully, because of my joint custody order, I have been able to communicate with my 8yr old son through school, which I strongly dislike, but feel there is not a choice. I will update this case as it unfolds!! Feel free to comment and laugh with me at this nonsense!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Sunday, January 15, 2012
These are a couple of my poems I wanted to share...I would really appreciate any input anyone has...Please comment!
Inhale slowly, to take the pain away.
A swallow, briskly, , helps you face the day.
With red-rimmed eyes & pale, white face,
you wear a smile on your lips because you're in a happy place.
Afternoon approaches, and with it will come tears,
unless you can find that last five bucks....for just a few more beers.
Evening wears thin and now you can barely move.
The baby's crying in the den, but you are so confused.
Inhaled one too many lines and the beer bottle nearly empty,
you can't think over all the racket, isn't it a pity?
Polish off the bottle and stagger to the baby,
you can't take the noise, his screaming driving you crazy,
trip over your own feet as you hold the baby high
walking with him to the stairs slurring to him, "Don't you cry!".
He just needs to go to bed now, but you can't see through the blur,
head over heels into black and you hear voices echo, "How on Earth can we tell her?"
You don't remember falling and you can't seem to feel your legs
when the doctor sadly touches you, "You're paralyzed, and, I'm sorry, the baby's dead."
What He Should Have Left
He left his bed unmade, as no surprise to me.
He left his dirty socks on the floor for all to see.
He didn't take his favorite lighter he used to light his cigarettes.
And he forgot to discard empty paper cups on the stand beside the bed.
He left all of his mess behind, I guess for me to clean up,
All his guilt trips, all the heartaches, and all of his hang-ups.
He left all of the bruises, all the yelling, and all the pain.
He left all of the hurt he swore he'd never cause again.
He took my self esteem and tried to take my dignity.
He only tried to take with him what meant the most to me.
Despite all the mess he left behind, it hurt so much to find him gone.
But he was never truly mine when he belonged to the bottle all along.
He left my swollen, purple eye as he stormed out the door.
He left my broken body lying helpless on the floor.
I knew he was too drunk to drive, if only I had been stronger.
If I could have taken the keys from him, I'd still have what he Should have left......my daughter.
**These poems have been Copyrighted, having been published in a compilation book of poetry. Any use of these poems in part or in whole requires written consent of author prior to use.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I am absolutely aphalled at recent events in my locality. My husband has had the police called for his violent yelling 3 times in the past week. The first time, he was arrested for violating our protective order which states he must maintain peaceful and lawful contact with me. The officers took him to jail where they held him about 8hrs, long enough for him to "sober up" from the beer he'd consumed earlier that night. The second time was an hour after he was RELEASED FROM JAIL FOR VIOLATING THE P.O. because he was threatening me and attempting to break my laptop in a fit of rage. The officer that responded did nothing, stating that "peaceful and lawful contact" was too broad a spectrum and that they couldn't take him in unless they were sure he understood what it meant. I said to them, "Well, considering he just got out of jail I would be inclined to believe that he DOES know." Nothing resulted from that call ecxept his severe irritation with me for the next few days. Early this morning, the police were called the third time over him yelling at me and the officer arrested him and took him in, only to have the MAGISTRATE now refuse to press the charges and instruct the officer to return him home, where I, of course, was subject to his bad attitude and bouts of rage for the remainder of the day. Child Protective Services said that they would help me, but instead of issuing an order to remove HIM, since he is only ONE person and has his mother's home that he could go to, they think it would be better for ME to pick up my 2 kids and try to get out of here in one piece without losing irreplaceable items, like letters my father sent me before he passed away. I don't understand why she thinks it is easier to uproot 3 people instead of just one, but apparently in her mind, that is the best option. Not too mention that I have a limited income, not so great credit, and no current resources to assist me in moving. I would not be able to take any furniture for my children or myself, and would therefore be VIOLATING cps rules that require a bed for each child. It is a catch 22 situation where I, and my children suffer daily at the hands of a verbally, emotionally abusive person and WE are the ones being told to find a way to leave. The waiting lists for public housing are at least a year long, meaning I would be stuck here until that time is up. Who knows what could happen in that period of time. Why on Earth would they not just issue a No Contact Order forcing him to leave, even if it were only until I found other accomodations to save the kids from the daily tension, arguing, and feelings of discomfort. Well....I am complying with everything they are asking me to do, and so far, she has even heard him yelling at me over nothing important and knows that he is an angry person. I do not know what more hoops I have to jump through or put the kids through to get help, but I finally reach out for it and all I am getting is resistance and obstacles. I do so hate how the victims are always the ones that seem to have to pay the price for the criminals. We are the ones forced to try to find living arrangements, not him. I have worked and put money into the household our entire relationship, while he has never worked. And apparently, everything I have worked for I will have to lose to ensure my safety and the safety of the kids while he is allowed to be abusive, get his way, and keep everything that I've worked so hard to attain. Fair, huh?? RIIIIIGHT.